We did it!

Thanks to each and every one of you, our 157 amazing supporters, we not only met but far exceeded our fundraising goal of $15,000!

We cannot even begin to tell you how much the success of this fundraiser means to Jason, Sarah and Lena. They are increasingly uplifted by the love, compassion and words of support sent their way. Each time I talk to Jason and Sarah they repeatedly mention how in awe they are of the overwhelming response that this has generated. In what all too often seems like a sad and scary world every time we turn on the news these days, this fundraiser has provided us with intangible hope and reminded us that there are truly amazing individuals out there who are demonstrating just what it means to love strong and make a difference in the lives of others.

Lastly, while our fundraiser may have concluded, Sarah's fight is unfortunately far from over. We would love to continue to have each of our in our corner and encourage you to accompany us on the rest of this journey through this blog.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Nicely done, Team Sarah!

Caitlin (on behalf of the Horn and Halperin families)

Round 3

Ergggg... Let's see...
So we went in yesterday for our third round of chemo.  We always go for a finger stick first to see how my blood count is looking, then we see my Oncologist for an evaluation before the infusion of the drugs.  She first shared the good news that my WBC count was looking very good, and that she was going to give me the full dose of meds.  We still don't know if that case of neutropenia last month was due to the chemo itself, or the fact that I was hit by that nasty virus at the same time, and the combination of the two was just too much for my body to fight off on its own.  We'll never know, but I'm going to choose to believe that it had more to do with the virus.

She then gave me an exam, did some measurements, and she saw that the tumor has not shrunk since the last dose of meds two weeks ago like she was expecting.  When we went in two weeks ago for Round 2, she measured the tumor at 5.5cm x 6cm, which the initial measurement, just days after the first round, measured the tumor at 7cm x 8cm.  So there was a significant shrinkage just after that first dose of meds.  The doc stated that she was surprised to see no difference in the past two weeks.  She also measured the axillary lymph node, which was still measuring at 1.5cm - again, she was hoping to see that number smaller as well.   But she told us not to panic, and that she was going to give me the meds at 100%, so we will see what happens over the next two weeks.  In the meantime, we pray, pray, pray. 
She said that there will be either of three scenarios to happen:
1) If the tumor shows shrinkage, then we will stay on the course we are on.  One more dose of the A/C meds in two weeks, and then I will start on the Taxol once a week for 12 weeks, then surgery, then radiation, reconstruction, etc...
2) If there's no progress with the meds, she may decide to go straight to the Taxol and see if there is any efficacy on the tumors.
3) Again, if there is no shrinkage, and she doesn't choose the Taxol, then I will go straight to surgery, having a bilateral mastectomy.  She wants this out.

So, there's that.  There was a point when the double mastectomy seemed so far away, and I had not given much thought to it yet as I am still figuring out how this whole chemo thing works.  I recently read a book that was given to me about another women's journey though breast cancer, and it went into great detail about the surgeries, both the mastectomy and all of the reconstruction processes, which only made my anxiety grow, as anyone's would.  So now I am educating myself more about the surgical procedures, recovery, etc.  I know myself well enough that I have made a decision about the surgery - this disease needs to come out!  But I am also terrible with pain.  I'm pretty much a big baby.  And I fear that to get through the recovery period as 'comfortable as possible,' that I will be on many pain pills to help with the relief.  My fear mainly resides in the possibility of me being emotionally vacant for Lena while I'm trying to recover, which makes my heart hurt.  I've never had any major surgery, so it's all so very scary and new to me, but if this course is chosen sooner than later, then I will certainly accept the challenge as gracefully as I can.

So there was one more thing discussed yesterday.  There is a possibility that I may need to have my ovaries taken out.  Apparently, there is an increased risk of ovarian cancer later with women who have breast cancer.  Jason asked if it was something that needed to happen while I was already under anesthesia for the mastectomies, and as they were discussing that, the doctor saw the panic on my face.  I heard my heart break.  I don't know if this is just a womanly/maternal thing happening here (most likely), but I am so not ready to give up the chance of growing our family naturally.  I keep going back to the fact that this whole thing started at the beginning of the year with the elation of being pregnant again.  Then after the miscarriage, I gathered strength knowing that we would be able to try again.  But when that was taken away after the cancer diagnosis, all of those thoughts got pushed away somewhere, knowing that I was fighting for MY life number one, and that I would have to do my grieving later.  Well, now it's back.  The doctor said that it wasn't something that we needed to do right away, but it was something that we need to give serious thought to.  So here we go again, diving into the world of research and percentages.  I know that the chemo has a chance to make me infertile, but that there is also a chance that we would be able to conceive.  It is in God's hands now.  No decisions have been made regarding the removal of my ovaries, as this is all so fresh, but for now, I am just hoping for the chance to get through everything cancer-free, and then for the possibility to have a little sister or brother for Lena.  But if we try and it's not happening, then they can take my ovaries, I don't care after that.  I just want the chance to try.  We can grow our family in other ways.  I am trying to stay mindful that we do have such an amazing little girl, and we are so very blessed to have her.  There are so many people who struggle with having a family, and I think about them often during this, trying to keep my perspective in place.  But at the same time, so much has been thrown at us in such a short amount of time, that I am just trying to process it all still, and I'm allowing myself to feel all of the emotions that I need to.

So far, I'm physically feeling ok after chemo yesterday.  I'm exhausted, but the nausea is staying away for now thanks to the wonderful meds they give me for days 1-3 post treatment.  Lena, however, has come down with something today.  She's been lethargic and has had a fever of 102.8 since this afternoon, despite the fact that I've been giving her Ibuprofen and Tylenol intermittently since noon.  Still no break in the fever yet though.  I called the doctor, and we are going to take her in in the morning, so hopefully we'll get some answers, but I still fear that this is viral, and all we can do is wait it out.  My other fear is that I've already been exposed to whatever it is that she has, and I am praying that I'm able to evade it this time. 

It's been a tough two days, but this too shall pass.  I want to thank all of you out there for your continued support - it means the world to not only Jason and I, but to both of our entire families as well!  Your contributions to the fundraiser have been absolutely amazing, and we are all blown away.

Round 2

We are so uplifted by all of your support! Thank you so much to our family for setting up the fundraiser, and our heartfelt thanks to everyone for your incredibly generous donations, emails, texts, carepackages, stories, phone calls, advice and prayers. It is really awesome and touching and really fills us with a ton of love in this time when we need it most. So thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

We enjoyed the week off from treatment last week as Sarah's health continued to improve. I was able to delay my written board exam until June (amazing) and we had an emotional, but positive family hair buzzing experience, and as soon as Lena saw Mommy's new 'do, she asked if she could get her hair cut too. I practically almost had the clippers to her toddler curls before Mommy shut that down.  My lady looks so good with this pixie cut! And, as her assistant barber, I feel like I should get some of the credit. The last time I shaved someone else's head, besides my own, I put a nice size clipper cut out on the side of R Horn's head. I kept reminding Sarah how courageous she was to let me help her cut her hair.

We had a smooth round two of treatment yesterday. As per Dr's orders, the meds were dose reduced by 20% to minimize the chance of the same severe neutropenia after the first dose. Besides feeling really tired, with some mild yuckiness, Sarah's been doing relatively well since yesterday.

Again, we are in awe of all of your support coming in, and feel so grateful to have you in our lives.

GiveForward Fundraiser

We have launched a 21-day fundraiser on GiveForward.com to help alleviate the burden of costs associated with Sarah's fight. In less than 24 hours, friends and family from all over the world have rallied behind us and donated from their hearts. We are so very grateful. 

There is truly no such thing as a donation too small. Each and every gesture adds up and is so very appreciated. To access the fundraiser, please click here. 

With love,
Caitlin

A Few Thoughts

Well, I am certainly grateful to have some extra time off between treatments to allow for more recovery time.  While I'm feeling well overall, I still have a lingering cough that I will be so happy to see go one day (hopefully soon!).

Lena had her first week of preschool this week, and she did fantastic!  She will be going twice a week for now, and she's having a blast.  My Dad went to pick her up today, and her teacher told him that she didn't want to leave, so I take that as nothing but a good sign, and again, I'm so very grateful that she is adjusting well to all of these changes.

I also wanted to get on here and share a few thoughts that have been on my mind...  I feel a bit angry and betrayed almost by the healthcare system for not making me more aware of the fact that I should have been more vigilant about getting any and all bumps checked out immediately over the years.  That would have made early-detection possible for me.  Instead, I am thanking God for my miscarriage, because without it, I would not have made that second mammogram appointment, and the cancer would have been found later - most likely spread elsewhere, and I would have been much worse off.  Not to mention, that I would be going through treatment while carrying a child.  I can not even image the horror of that road, but I know it happens.

So my point is this, if you have fibrocystic breasts, please be hyper-aware.  Get any lumps checked immediately.  It's better that your doctor think you're a crazy hypochondriac than being diagnosed with a late stage cancer.  Since sharing this blog with you all, three people have already told me about having the same fibrous breasts, and that they were going to make appointments soon, if they had not already done so.  So, for that, I am so happy that our story has helped.

Week Off

Went in today and Doc decided to put off treatment for one week. So round 2 is set for next Wednesday. Sarah is relieved having had such a tough first round and having just been released from the hospital. A week off to get stronger...we'll take it.

We are totally uplifted by all the love and support coming in...thank you all! It is such an incredible feeling to hear from everyone. Your stories, words and support are powerful and we are grateful for all of it. Thank you.

Jason, Sarah and Lena

Healing

Family and friends,

Thank you for checking in. We're grateful for the idea to start this blog as a way for everyone to stay updated and connected.  We'd like to start by first sharing with you our story.  

It all started sometime back in early fall when Sarah found a small lump in her left breast. She always had a history of fibrocystic breasts – for many years small lumps would come and go with monthly cycles – so finding a lump was a common occurrence that would usually disappear within a few weeks or a few months.  In 2006 she found a lump, which then led to a mammogram and ultrasound.  There was no biopsy needed, as it was found to be a cyst.  The history of the fibrocystic condition lead to her guard being way down and so back to last fall 2012, she noticed the lump and knew that her yearly exam was coming up and had an appointment in early January. She brought the lump to the Dr’s attention, and a referral for a mammogram was given. The next available appointment was made for February 4^th.

Meanwhile, life kept going on, and on January 12^th, we took a little test and were ecstatic to find out that we were expecting baby number two.  With that exciting news, Sarah cancelled the mammogram appointment, knowing she was pregnant and not wanting to expose the baby to any radiation.  Sadly, on February 21^st, it was confirmed that we had lost the baby.  It was very tough on us, but we stayed strong, knowing that this happens all the time, and that once her body was fully recovered, we would try again soon.   

Sarah then rescheduled the mammogram appointment for Friday, March 8^th.  A mammogram and ultrasound revealed five masses in the left breast.  The radiologist reviewed the images and noticed that the axillary node was also prominent, so they performed a same day biopsy of both the axillary node and three of the five masses.  Stunned, but hopeful the masses were benign, we waited for what we were told would be a week until the results were back.  Five days later, on Wednesday, March 13^th, Sarah and Lena had just gotten to the playground when she got a phone call from her Dr.’s office saying, “You and your husband need to come into the office today.”  Sarah immediately knew what that meant.  She then called Jason at work and he came home.  We went in to the Dr’s office that afternoon, and we were the last patients to be seen that day.  We found ourselves in the same office where, just three weeks before, we were told that we had lost the baby.  Next, the words came, “You guys know why you’re here, I’m sure.  The results of the biopsy came back positive, you have breast cancer, and it looks like you’re going to need a mastectomy.”  After that, we couldn’t tell you what was said.

What happened next was a complete whirlwind of seemingly endless doctors appointments: four surgeons, three oncologists, a reproductive endocrinologist, and tests, tests, tests.  We spent two weeks being as proactive as we could to help establish our team of doctors and the best treatment plan. After a lot of wrangling to get appointments with the right doctors, we were finally able to get into Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center here in New York City.  The Memorial oncologist was our third oncologist visit, and after meeting with her, we knew we had found the right person. 

Because of the fact that the type of cancer that Sarah has is a rare, aggressive and advanced one (the cancer was already in stage IIIC when we found it), the planned treatment is for five months of chemotherapy first, followed by the mastectomy (possibly bilateral), then possibly more chemotherapy if needed, then radiation, and then reconstruction. It is going to be a very long road.

During this whirlwind search of doctors, we were also thrown another curve ball that needed immediate attention.  We were told that there was a chance that the chemo would knock out Sarah’s ovaries, making us unable to have more children.  We were told that we should look into freezing embryos for post treatment IVF.  This sent us into a very emotional two days of trying to decide whether or not to go forward with having Sarah go through two weeks of taking hormonal drugs to stimulate egg maturation, followed by a surgical procedure of harvesting the eggs.  This would all be done, and then the day after the eggs are harvested, Sarah would start chemotherapy.  We figured that most people, when faced with IVF treatment, have sufficient time to do their research and make an educated and informed decision on how they want to proceed.  We had two days.  Something just wasn’t sitting right in the decision to move forward with the plan to put Sarah’s body through that kind of stress just before the intense stress of chemotherapy.  This was a difficult decision, and we were in an extreme emotional dilemma filled with all the anguish of these difficult days.  In the end, we thought of how extremely lucky we were to have our healthy, happy little girl, as well as the chance that we could still have children after treatment, and the option to adopt in the future, so we decided it wasn’t worth stressing Sarah’s body at such a difficult time.  Yet, at the same time, there was always a little something in the back of our minds that was still questioning whether we would regret this decision in the future if faced with infertility. We told our oncologist about this dilemma, and she immediately said she didn’t feel that we should delay chemo for two weeks for the egg harvesting – those were the words we needed to hear to feel comfortable with our decision, with no future regrets.

So we had our medical team and plan in place, and could begin to breathe… just a little bit.  Days and days of pre-chemo tests included a PET scan that confirmed that there was no distant spread of the cancer, but for some involvement of the internal mammary nodes.  Sarah also had another biopsy of the right breast to rule out the presence of cancer there, and thankfully that came back benign.  Chemotherapy round 1 was set for Thursday March 28^th, just two weeks after diagnosis.  Months before, we had bought tickets to one of our favorite live music artists so we were very happy to be able to get out for a night of great music with great friends prior to starting chemotherapy the next day. 

The first chemo visit was a surreal, but comfortable experience. It just so happened that Sarah acquired a nasty chest cold about this same time. The first few days after chemo were fine, then the cold really hit and along with it some chemo-related nausea, so Sarah spent the week feeling wrecked, with little appetite and a bad cough.  After five days of little improvement, the low-grade fever concerned the oncologist, so this past Friday we went in for a chest x-ray and another blood test. Sarah’s white blood cell count had plummeted, so the combination of severe nuetropenia with a fever lead to a hospital admission that day. Four days later Sarah’s cell counts improved to normal, and she was finally discharged. Despite a cough and some stomach irritation from the IV antibiotics, she is feeling much better - all this just in time for her chemo treatment round 2 coming up this Thursday.

So there it is, as neatly wrapped up as we could make it. Now that things are slowing down a bit for us, we are gradually coming to terms with what we are dealing with.  It still seems very surreal. There have been many setbacks along the way over these past three weeks, but we are trying to keep our focus on all the small victories instead.  For example, when we discovered that our insurance covered care here at Memorial Sloan- Kettering, we were very grateful that we could be in the hands of one of the top cancer centers in the country. We still have many more mountains to climb though, and not just with this terrible disease.  Jason had just signed a contract with an orthodontist in Savannah, GA, so we were getting ready for that move after his graduation in June.  When faced with this though, we felt that it would be best to stay here in NY for the duration of treatment, so now we have a lot more to figure out.  Jason has his written boards test in 9 days; he needs to complete his residency and graduate in less than three months.  After doing the job search for cities outside NYC, we now have to find employment locally, we’ll need to likely find a place to move to after June as we are living in hospital housing that won’t be an option after graduation, we’ve got to figure out insurance coverage after graduation, etc.  So much to figure out, but we’re doing our best to compartmentalize everything and handle one hurdle at a time. 

We have faith that God will help carry us through these tough times.  We know that we will come out of this stronger and forever changed.  We are eternally grateful for all of our family and friends here in NY and beyond who have reached out and helped selflessly to keep us glued together these past few weeks.  If you would like to reach out to us, please do.  Please feel free to call, write, email, text, whatever… it means the world to us to hear from all of you that have become a part of our story through this journey of life thus far.   

Please keep the prayers, positive thoughts and energy coming our way as we work through this treatment.

All of our love,

Sarah, Jason and Lena  

jasonhorndds@gmail.com

shalperin26@yahoo.com