Let me start by saying sorry that it took so long for an update... It has been an incredibly busy month. I want to first celebrate the good news in our lives. Jason was awarded his orthodontic certificate a few weeks ago when he graduated from his residency. He still has a couple hoops to jump through before he is truly finished with school though. Remember that written Boards test that was scheduled for April? Well, that's now set for July 13, and he has to finish a couple of other loose ends, and then he will have a tremendous weight lifted off of his shoulders, and we can bask in the fact that we made it through his residency. We are so very grateful to the director of his program, as he has allowed Jason to balance the end of his residency with all the other happenings that we're dealing with during this battle.
My body has tolerated the Taxol very well over the last several weeks in comparison to the last drugs I was given. I have the occasional body aches and pains, some grogginess, extreme fatigue, and my new personal favorite: hot flashes. But, there are no stomach issues, so I'm not having to deal with any more nausea or lack of appetite, which is a huge relief.
My new schedule is to see my oncologist once every three weeks while on the Taxol, so I'm not getting feedback on how the meds are working each week when I go in for a treatment. The last time I saw her though was last Tuesday, and the report was a bit upsetting. When I told her that I had been having some pain in my left breast again, she went to examine it, and when measuring the tumor, she said that she was again disappointed with the lack of progress made by the Taxol in the past two weeks since she had last examined it. Three weeks ago, on June 19th, when she last measured the tumor, it measured at 4.5cm x 5.5cm, and last week on July 2nd, it measured at 5cm x 5.5cm. I could first freak out and interpret that as a growth, but I'm not. You have to remember that this is measured with a measuring tape, so lots of room for human error. Instead, I am looking at this as yet another plateau like the one we had back at the beginning of May. The doctor was disappointed and concerned that there wasn't more shrinkage, so she said that she wants us to get in and see the breast surgeon before we see her again in two weeks to get another opinion as to how these tumors are responding to the chemotherapy, and whether or not we should stay the course or stop and go straight to surgery. So as of now, we have an appointment set to see the breast surgeon on July 16th, and then we'll be back to see her the next day, on the 17th.
When leaving her office, my heart sank a bit. I'm really trying hard to not allow the fear to settle in, and to remain positive, but it can be hard at times. I remember my doctor's words about how a good response to the chemo makes for a better prognosis... so the fear is definitely there. It's just so hard to sit and let the days go by just waiting, and having no control over any of this.
I go tomorrow for my treatment this week, so I am gladly welcoming the intake of medicine, and praying that the meds continue to shrink the tumor. We won't have any news to report until the 17th after we've seen both doctors, and they've had the chance to discuss everything.
Please continue to pray for us, and continue to send all that great healing energy my way.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Phase 2 Begins...
Let me first start by saying that the tumors are shrinking - Hallelujah! No official scans yet (those won't come until I am finished with all of my chemo, so sometime in August or September most likely), but with a crude measurement, one can certainly feel them breaking up and getting smaller. In the words of my oncologist: "I am so thrilled!" I know now that because there is this favorable response to the chemo, my prognosis is looking better and better, which needless to say, allows me to breathe a bit easier.
I had my first dose of the Taxol last Friday, and it was a very interesting experience. Apparently, about 25% of patients can have an allergic reaction, to where they have trouble breathing, and the throat can close, etc... The doctor and the nurses told me that in order to prevent any allergic reactions, they will first load me up with a steroid, and then heavy doses of antihistamines before administering the drug. And then they will monitor me very closely during that first infusion. So, after hearing that, I was on pins and needles before going in, not knowing if I was going to fall into that 25% category or not. After the third pre-med, I was very out of it, which was probably a good thing looking back. Even though I was still awake, I was way less anxious about the medication that was about to be given. And then once I was halfway through the bag of Taxol, I knew I was going to be fine.
The side effects from this drug are very different from the other two drugs I was given. So far, I have been very fortunate not to have any of the stomach issues that I've had for the past two months. I've been able to maintain my appetite and eat everything, with no aversions. I have had, however, some mild aches and pains in my muscles, and I am extremely tired all the time. I don't expect either of those two things to dissipate any time soon though. In addition, I feel like I'm in a slight 'fog' that isn't lifting, which is frustrating, but I'm hoping that will come to an end quickly. After taking it all in, I'd still rather deal with these issues than the nausea any day. Oh, and I almost forgot - there is also a chance to develop some neuropathy with this med (with it not resolving until about 6 months post treatment), but I'm praying that I am one of the lucky ones that isn't affected by that.
We just found out tonight that I will be getting the weekly dosing of this new drug, which also makes me happy. Even though it will be a slightly longer regimen (12 weeks total), it will be less neurotoxic, hopefully keeping the neuropathy at bay. My next round is set for this Thursday, June 6th. Now we know what to expect for the next 3 months, and that this will put my surgery into September. But for now, we're trucking along, one week at a time.
Thank you again for the constant support and words of encouragement. It's very hard to keep my fears from getting the best of me, but I can feel that part of my strength comes from all of your love pouring in.
I had my first dose of the Taxol last Friday, and it was a very interesting experience. Apparently, about 25% of patients can have an allergic reaction, to where they have trouble breathing, and the throat can close, etc... The doctor and the nurses told me that in order to prevent any allergic reactions, they will first load me up with a steroid, and then heavy doses of antihistamines before administering the drug. And then they will monitor me very closely during that first infusion. So, after hearing that, I was on pins and needles before going in, not knowing if I was going to fall into that 25% category or not. After the third pre-med, I was very out of it, which was probably a good thing looking back. Even though I was still awake, I was way less anxious about the medication that was about to be given. And then once I was halfway through the bag of Taxol, I knew I was going to be fine.
The side effects from this drug are very different from the other two drugs I was given. So far, I have been very fortunate not to have any of the stomach issues that I've had for the past two months. I've been able to maintain my appetite and eat everything, with no aversions. I have had, however, some mild aches and pains in my muscles, and I am extremely tired all the time. I don't expect either of those two things to dissipate any time soon though. In addition, I feel like I'm in a slight 'fog' that isn't lifting, which is frustrating, but I'm hoping that will come to an end quickly. After taking it all in, I'd still rather deal with these issues than the nausea any day. Oh, and I almost forgot - there is also a chance to develop some neuropathy with this med (with it not resolving until about 6 months post treatment), but I'm praying that I am one of the lucky ones that isn't affected by that.
We just found out tonight that I will be getting the weekly dosing of this new drug, which also makes me happy. Even though it will be a slightly longer regimen (12 weeks total), it will be less neurotoxic, hopefully keeping the neuropathy at bay. My next round is set for this Thursday, June 6th. Now we know what to expect for the next 3 months, and that this will put my surgery into September. But for now, we're trucking along, one week at a time.
Thank you again for the constant support and words of encouragement. It's very hard to keep my fears from getting the best of me, but I can feel that part of my strength comes from all of your love pouring in.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Round 4
Well, I did it... I finished all four rounds of the first two medications, called A/C for short. Now I'm on track to continue with treatment, starting a new medication (Taxol) next Friday the 31st. I will most likely be getting Taxol once a week for the 12-week duration, but there is a chance that I may be getting a larger dose once every two weeks - it depends on the "latest research" that will be coming out at a conference next week.
Last Tuesday, we went to see a breast surgeon, and she happily reported that my axillary lymph nodes were much smaller, and barely palpable. The size of the tumor in the breast, however, was relatively the same, but it had changed in consistency. She felt very confident that the chemotherapy was working well - that's all I needed to hear to breathe just a little bit easier. Two days later, we went back to see my oncologist, and she also felt the same changes that the surgeon had. She gave me a full dose of chemo, and said that I'll be starting on the next set of meds in two weeks, continuing this treatment before we move to surgery in the fall.
This last round was a bit tougher than the last two, leaving me in bed for a couple of days (hence, the reason for the tardiness on this update). But, I am slowly gaining more strength each day now. One thing I've learned is that no two rounds have been the same for me. But, feeling the tumor just 5 days after my last treatment, I can definitely feel a change in its size and shape. It feels smaller to me, but just like the last time I was examined, I'm waiting to hear the professionals tell me that the tumor has indeed gotten smaller.
For now, I am truly relieved that I am able to continue with the chemo, knowing that these medications are working, and making a noticeable difference in the size of the tumors. Knowing that, I'm choosing to believe that it's also working on the internal mammary nodes, for which there is no surgery to remove the cancer cells that were found there, only radiation therapy after my surgery. The next set of scans will be taken after I've completed all of the chemo medications, and then we'll know for sure if anything has been left behind. Until then, please keep praying and visualizing that this disease continues to melt away.
Last Tuesday, we went to see a breast surgeon, and she happily reported that my axillary lymph nodes were much smaller, and barely palpable. The size of the tumor in the breast, however, was relatively the same, but it had changed in consistency. She felt very confident that the chemotherapy was working well - that's all I needed to hear to breathe just a little bit easier. Two days later, we went back to see my oncologist, and she also felt the same changes that the surgeon had. She gave me a full dose of chemo, and said that I'll be starting on the next set of meds in two weeks, continuing this treatment before we move to surgery in the fall.
This last round was a bit tougher than the last two, leaving me in bed for a couple of days (hence, the reason for the tardiness on this update). But, I am slowly gaining more strength each day now. One thing I've learned is that no two rounds have been the same for me. But, feeling the tumor just 5 days after my last treatment, I can definitely feel a change in its size and shape. It feels smaller to me, but just like the last time I was examined, I'm waiting to hear the professionals tell me that the tumor has indeed gotten smaller.
For now, I am truly relieved that I am able to continue with the chemo, knowing that these medications are working, and making a noticeable difference in the size of the tumors. Knowing that, I'm choosing to believe that it's also working on the internal mammary nodes, for which there is no surgery to remove the cancer cells that were found there, only radiation therapy after my surgery. The next set of scans will be taken after I've completed all of the chemo medications, and then we'll know for sure if anything has been left behind. Until then, please keep praying and visualizing that this disease continues to melt away.
Monday, May 6, 2013
The Power of Love...
"The block of granite which is an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, becomes a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong." {Thomas Carlyle}
"The power of love to change bodies is legendary, built into folklore, common sense, and everyday experience. Love moves the flesh, it pushes matter around." {Larry Dossey}
Words can not express how humbled and grateful we are for all of your help with the fundraiser over the past few weeks. We exceeded our goal last night, and Jason and I have been in tears many times reading through all the messages and words of encouragement. It is absolutely incredible! Thanks to all of you, we'll be using the funds to continue our health insurance coverage through COBRA, which will be in effect when our insurance ends after Jason graduates at the end of June. We are so blessed to have the love from all of you (family, friends and strangers alike) carrying us through these times.
We also found out some great news today, as well... We can stay in our apartment after graduation for the duration of this journey!! The magnitude of the weight of this has been completely lifted, giving us a glimpse of peace when we need it most. We are so grateful for this answered prayer!!
We did it!
Thanks to each and every one of you, our 157 amazing supporters, we not only met but far exceeded our fundraising goal of $15,000!
We cannot even begin to tell you how much the success of this fundraiser means to Jason, Sarah and Lena. They are increasingly uplifted by the love, compassion and words of support sent their way. Each time I talk to Jason and Sarah they repeatedly mention how in awe they are of the overwhelming response that this has generated. In what all too often seems like a sad and scary world every time we turn on the news these days, this fundraiser has provided us with intangible hope and reminded us that there are truly amazing individuals out there who are demonstrating just what it means to love strong and make a difference in the lives of others.
Lastly, while our fundraiser may have concluded, Sarah's fight is unfortunately far from over. We would love to continue to have each of our in our corner and encourage you to accompany us on the rest of this journey through this blog.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Nicely done, Team Sarah!
Caitlin (on behalf of the Horn and Halperin families)
Friday, May 3, 2013
Round 3
Ergggg... Let's see...
So we went in yesterday for our third round of chemo. We always go for a finger stick first to see how my blood count is looking, then we see my Oncologist for an evaluation before the infusion of the drugs. She first shared the good news that my WBC count was looking very good, and that she was going to give me the full dose of meds. We still don't know if that case of neutropenia last month was due to the chemo itself, or the fact that I was hit by that nasty virus at the same time, and the combination of the two was just too much for my body to fight off on its own. We'll never know, but I'm going to choose to believe that it had more to do with the virus.
She then gave me an exam, did some measurements, and she saw that the tumor has not shrunk since the last dose of meds two weeks ago like she was expecting. When we went in two weeks ago for Round 2, she measured the tumor at 5.5cm x 6cm, which the initial measurement, just days after the first round, measured the tumor at 7cm x 8cm. So there was a significant shrinkage just after that first dose of meds. The doc stated that she was surprised to see no difference in the past two weeks. She also measured the axillary lymph node, which was still measuring at 1.5cm - again, she was hoping to see that number smaller as well. But she told us not to panic, and that she was going to give me the meds at 100%, so we will see what happens over the next two weeks. In the meantime, we pray, pray, pray.
She said that there will be either of three scenarios to happen:
1) If the tumor shows shrinkage, then we will stay on the course we are on. One more dose of the A/C meds in two weeks, and then I will start on the Taxol once a week for 12 weeks, then surgery, then radiation, reconstruction, etc...
2) If there's no progress with the meds, she may decide to go straight to the Taxol and see if there is any efficacy on the tumors.
3) Again, if there is no shrinkage, and she doesn't choose the Taxol, then I will go straight to surgery, having a bilateral mastectomy. She wants this out.
So, there's that. There was a point when the double mastectomy seemed so far away, and I had not given much thought to it yet as I am still figuring out how this whole chemo thing works. I recently read a book that was given to me about another women's journey though breast cancer, and it went into great detail about the surgeries, both the mastectomy and all of the reconstruction processes, which only made my anxiety grow, as anyone's would. So now I am educating myself more about the surgical procedures, recovery, etc. I know myself well enough that I have made a decision about the surgery - this disease needs to come out! But I am also terrible with pain. I'm pretty much a big baby. And I fear that to get through the recovery period as 'comfortable as possible,' that I will be on many pain pills to help with the relief. My fear mainly resides in the possibility of me being emotionally vacant for Lena while I'm trying to recover, which makes my heart hurt. I've never had any major surgery, so it's all so very scary and new to me, but if this course is chosen sooner than later, then I will certainly accept the challenge as gracefully as I can.
So there was one more thing discussed yesterday. There is a possibility that I may need to have my ovaries taken out. Apparently, there is an increased risk of ovarian cancer later with women who have breast cancer. Jason asked if it was something that needed to happen while I was already under anesthesia for the mastectomies, and as they were discussing that, the doctor saw the panic on my face. I heard my heart break. I don't know if this is just a womanly/maternal thing happening here (most likely), but I am so not ready to give up the chance of growing our family naturally. I keep going back to the fact that this whole thing started at the beginning of the year with the elation of being pregnant again. Then after the miscarriage, I gathered strength knowing that we would be able to try again. But when that was taken away after the cancer diagnosis, all of those thoughts got pushed away somewhere, knowing that I was fighting for MY life number one, and that I would have to do my grieving later. Well, now it's back. The doctor said that it wasn't something that we needed to do right away, but it was something that we need to give serious thought to. So here we go again, diving into the world of research and percentages. I know that the chemo has a chance to make me infertile, but that there is also a chance that we would be able to conceive. It is in God's hands now. No decisions have been made regarding the removal of my ovaries, as this is all so fresh, but for now, I am just hoping for the chance to get through everything cancer-free, and then for the possibility to have a little sister or brother for Lena. But if we try and it's not happening, then they can take my ovaries, I don't care after that. I just want the chance to try. We can grow our family in other ways. I am trying to stay mindful that we do have such an amazing little girl, and we are so very blessed to have her. There are so many people who struggle with having a family, and I think about them often during this, trying to keep my perspective in place. But at the same time, so much has been thrown at us in such a short amount of time, that I am just trying to process it all still, and I'm allowing myself to feel all of the emotions that I need to.
So far, I'm physically feeling ok after chemo yesterday. I'm exhausted, but the nausea is staying away for now thanks to the wonderful meds they give me for days 1-3 post treatment. Lena, however, has come down with something today. She's been lethargic and has had a fever of 102.8 since this afternoon, despite the fact that I've been giving her Ibuprofen and Tylenol intermittently since noon. Still no break in the fever yet though. I called the doctor, and we are going to take her in in the morning, so hopefully we'll get some answers, but I still fear that this is viral, and all we can do is wait it out. My other fear is that I've already been exposed to whatever it is that she has, and I am praying that I'm able to evade it this time.
It's been a tough two days, but this too shall pass. I want to thank all of you out there for your continued support - it means the world to not only Jason and I, but to both of our entire families as well! Your contributions to the fundraiser have been absolutely amazing, and we are all blown away.
So we went in yesterday for our third round of chemo. We always go for a finger stick first to see how my blood count is looking, then we see my Oncologist for an evaluation before the infusion of the drugs. She first shared the good news that my WBC count was looking very good, and that she was going to give me the full dose of meds. We still don't know if that case of neutropenia last month was due to the chemo itself, or the fact that I was hit by that nasty virus at the same time, and the combination of the two was just too much for my body to fight off on its own. We'll never know, but I'm going to choose to believe that it had more to do with the virus.
She then gave me an exam, did some measurements, and she saw that the tumor has not shrunk since the last dose of meds two weeks ago like she was expecting. When we went in two weeks ago for Round 2, she measured the tumor at 5.5cm x 6cm, which the initial measurement, just days after the first round, measured the tumor at 7cm x 8cm. So there was a significant shrinkage just after that first dose of meds. The doc stated that she was surprised to see no difference in the past two weeks. She also measured the axillary lymph node, which was still measuring at 1.5cm - again, she was hoping to see that number smaller as well. But she told us not to panic, and that she was going to give me the meds at 100%, so we will see what happens over the next two weeks. In the meantime, we pray, pray, pray.
She said that there will be either of three scenarios to happen:
1) If the tumor shows shrinkage, then we will stay on the course we are on. One more dose of the A/C meds in two weeks, and then I will start on the Taxol once a week for 12 weeks, then surgery, then radiation, reconstruction, etc...
2) If there's no progress with the meds, she may decide to go straight to the Taxol and see if there is any efficacy on the tumors.
3) Again, if there is no shrinkage, and she doesn't choose the Taxol, then I will go straight to surgery, having a bilateral mastectomy. She wants this out.
So, there's that. There was a point when the double mastectomy seemed so far away, and I had not given much thought to it yet as I am still figuring out how this whole chemo thing works. I recently read a book that was given to me about another women's journey though breast cancer, and it went into great detail about the surgeries, both the mastectomy and all of the reconstruction processes, which only made my anxiety grow, as anyone's would. So now I am educating myself more about the surgical procedures, recovery, etc. I know myself well enough that I have made a decision about the surgery - this disease needs to come out! But I am also terrible with pain. I'm pretty much a big baby. And I fear that to get through the recovery period as 'comfortable as possible,' that I will be on many pain pills to help with the relief. My fear mainly resides in the possibility of me being emotionally vacant for Lena while I'm trying to recover, which makes my heart hurt. I've never had any major surgery, so it's all so very scary and new to me, but if this course is chosen sooner than later, then I will certainly accept the challenge as gracefully as I can.
So there was one more thing discussed yesterday. There is a possibility that I may need to have my ovaries taken out. Apparently, there is an increased risk of ovarian cancer later with women who have breast cancer. Jason asked if it was something that needed to happen while I was already under anesthesia for the mastectomies, and as they were discussing that, the doctor saw the panic on my face. I heard my heart break. I don't know if this is just a womanly/maternal thing happening here (most likely), but I am so not ready to give up the chance of growing our family naturally. I keep going back to the fact that this whole thing started at the beginning of the year with the elation of being pregnant again. Then after the miscarriage, I gathered strength knowing that we would be able to try again. But when that was taken away after the cancer diagnosis, all of those thoughts got pushed away somewhere, knowing that I was fighting for MY life number one, and that I would have to do my grieving later. Well, now it's back. The doctor said that it wasn't something that we needed to do right away, but it was something that we need to give serious thought to. So here we go again, diving into the world of research and percentages. I know that the chemo has a chance to make me infertile, but that there is also a chance that we would be able to conceive. It is in God's hands now. No decisions have been made regarding the removal of my ovaries, as this is all so fresh, but for now, I am just hoping for the chance to get through everything cancer-free, and then for the possibility to have a little sister or brother for Lena. But if we try and it's not happening, then they can take my ovaries, I don't care after that. I just want the chance to try. We can grow our family in other ways. I am trying to stay mindful that we do have such an amazing little girl, and we are so very blessed to have her. There are so many people who struggle with having a family, and I think about them often during this, trying to keep my perspective in place. But at the same time, so much has been thrown at us in such a short amount of time, that I am just trying to process it all still, and I'm allowing myself to feel all of the emotions that I need to.
So far, I'm physically feeling ok after chemo yesterday. I'm exhausted, but the nausea is staying away for now thanks to the wonderful meds they give me for days 1-3 post treatment. Lena, however, has come down with something today. She's been lethargic and has had a fever of 102.8 since this afternoon, despite the fact that I've been giving her Ibuprofen and Tylenol intermittently since noon. Still no break in the fever yet though. I called the doctor, and we are going to take her in in the morning, so hopefully we'll get some answers, but I still fear that this is viral, and all we can do is wait it out. My other fear is that I've already been exposed to whatever it is that she has, and I am praying that I'm able to evade it this time.
It's been a tough two days, but this too shall pass. I want to thank all of you out there for your continued support - it means the world to not only Jason and I, but to both of our entire families as well! Your contributions to the fundraiser have been absolutely amazing, and we are all blown away.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Round 2
We are so uplifted by all of your support! Thank you so much to our family for setting up the fundraiser, and our heartfelt thanks to everyone for your incredibly generous donations, emails, texts, carepackages, stories, phone calls, advice and prayers. It is really awesome and touching and really fills us with a ton of love in this time when we need it most. So thank you from the bottom of our hearts!
We enjoyed the week off from treatment last week as Sarah's health continued to improve. I was able to delay my written board exam until June (amazing) and we had an emotional, but positive family hair buzzing experience, and as soon as Lena saw Mommy's new 'do, she asked if she could get her hair cut too. I practically almost had the clippers to her toddler curls before Mommy shut that down. My lady looks so good with this pixie cut! And, as her assistant barber, I feel like I should get some of the credit. The last time I shaved someone else's head, besides my own, I put a nice size clipper cut out on the side of R Horn's head. I kept reminding Sarah how courageous she was to let me help her cut her hair.
We had a smooth round two of treatment yesterday. As per Dr's orders, the meds were dose reduced by 20% to minimize the chance of the same severe neutropenia after the first dose. Besides feeling really tired, with some mild yuckiness, Sarah's been doing relatively well since yesterday.
Again, we are in awe of all of your support coming in, and feel so grateful to have you in our lives.
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